washingtonpost.com - Date Lines: Leading Losers

"Lloyd Dobler should pay my therapy bills."

washingtonpost.com - Date Lines: A Dater's Bill of Rights

"I'm going to lay out a Dater's Bill of Rights, a set of rules and principles that really should have been addressed by our Founding Fathers -- I mean, are you more likely to go on a date in your life, or to have to quarter a soldier? "

washingtonpost.com - Date Lines: Pal or Paramour?

"Of course, you can't just ASK the person if this is a date or not. It's simply bad form, because we all know the answer would be 'Me? Date you? BWWWHAHHAHAHAHA.' "

The Washington Post - The Cheap Guy's Guide to Shirt Hunting

"Unlike most department stores, which stack their shirts in those rectangular stands, this Filene's and many discounters keep their shirts on an angular display; the ziggurat formation invented by ancient Mesopotamian retailers, I believe."

Jacksonville.com - The cheese log is here; let the party begin 08-14-02

"4:05 p.m., day of party: Begin cleaning house. Rub antibacterial wipes over every solid surface, including myself."

Jacksonville.com - Here's to my ability to get through another wedding 07-17-02

"(B)ecause I will be spending every free weekend for the next decade going to weddings until I explode in a flurry of cake and prime rib, I would like to take this opportunity to put forth a universal wedding toast."

Jacksonville.com - The honest valedictorian is happy -- and relieved

"In closing, I can honestly say that this is the first happy day of my life. This award confirms what I have known all along -- that I am better than each and every one of you."

Jacksonville.com - Face fears, be wise beyond your years

"1. When the giant fire-breathing lizard has destroyed your apartment building and is about to eat you, remember, no one made you move to Tokyo."